Here at Perfect Baby Handbook Worldwide Headquarters on Montague Street, we collect news stories about both perfect and imperfect child-rearing. Frieda Blimlock, head of our Oddness Department, contends that these five headlines are among the most amusing:
1. Canadian Parents Fooled Into Raising Prostitutes: Considering that most Canadian parents aspire to raise either malingerers or despots, [...]

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Some say parents are giving children too much power, allowing them to dictate what the family eats or where it vacations. This baby, for example. appears to be outlining exactly what his parents will be doing in hell.
Although his remarks from the pulpit are a bit garbled, I’m pretty sure he begins by insisting that [...]

» Continue reading "Baby preacher delivers whimsical, power-mad sermon"

In his tiny, barely publicized, obscure new summer movie, Bruno, Sasha Baron Cohen (a.k.a. Borat) plays a Eurotrash fashionista who “adopts” a black baby. In the film’s sentimental trailer, Cohen’s alter-ego Bruno is seen picking the newly imported baby off an airport luggage carousel and guesting on an apparently plausible talk show hosted by Richard [...]

» Continue reading "Sasha Baron Cohen to adopt African baby named “O.J.”?"

After my recent encounter with oddly spacious play-dwellings, I began to wonder if the market for such necessities had burst. Could Liliput Play Homes and other purveyors of perfect-child mansions still be doing brisk business, when sales of adult-sized—and even millionaire-sized—homes have plummeted? I’m guessing the answer is no, judging from these desperate-sounding ads I [...]

» Continue reading "Real-estate listings for monstrous playhouses"

When I was little, my friends and I were devoted to the playhouse in Elaine Weber’s backyard. It was small. Mildewy. Plain. No turrets. But Elaine, Christine, Eddie, and I spent entire summers in there, pretending to run a “business” called BS&B (short for Bullshit & Barf). The only thing BS&B manufactured were BS&B stamps, [...]

» Continue reading "Attack of the monster playhouses"