Yesterday’s creepy encounter with TheCuteKid.com gave me the impression that Americans value Cuteness in their young above, well, everything—and that all kids naturally strive for it, too.

Then I saw this (circa 2007) local-news clip of Autumn Poovey, an Ohio high-school cheerleader who, as her puzzled mother says, “didn’t want to be cute anymore.” Autumn’s problem: chubby cheeks, often considered a benchmark of adorability. “With her pom-poms,” the sympathetic reporter notes, “Autumn also carried years of pain.”

Though no adolescent wants to get teased, “Poofy Poovey” does not seem like the most devastating slur. Still when your child comes to you pleading: “Mom, I just want my cheeks taken out. I want my cheeks gone!”—what can you do other than direct her to terrifying make-up contouring diagrams?

You could, I suppose, research the procedure—buccal fat pad extraction—and make sure your kid understands that cheek de-chubbifying, while perhaps flattering in the short term, can leave her looking gaunt and less than cheerful when her face inevitably thins out in her 20s.

Let’s hope Autumn is happy “looking older.” As for Dr. Jean Loftis, the expert who shows up at 1:34 in this clip and so routinely helps immature people alter their bodies (“Round Christmas time, I feel like Santa Claus”), you’ll be interested to know that she’s the author of The Smart Woman’s Guide to Plastic Surgery. If you’re interested, that is, in really misleadingly titled books.

Related Posts:
• The vast bizarro world of the Cute Kid contest
• When did “genius kids” get hot?
• Choosing a perfect baby name